Classifying Casual

In a previous post I mentioned that I was on a dating site. I’ve been on there for over a month now, still being picky about who I swipe right on.

And even though I’m usually picky, I find myself, like most women on these apps, running into some f*ck bois.

I discover the f*ck boi when I mention that I’m on there to date casually and to see what happens.

Usually, a follow up question is “how long has it been since you’ve had sex”.

In my situation, it’s probably longer than most people. A serious relationship had ended and I needed time to pull myself together and learn about myself before I could even think about dating again, let alone having sex with someone.

But I’m not going to give that explanation because I don’t see why I have to defend why it’s been over a year.

So, the reactions I’ve gotten so far were “wow, we have to fix that” and “aw, well I’m here for you”.

…

I don’t need your charity f*ck or your help to “fix” it.

I’m in complete control of my sex life and I have my own reasons for not “gettin it in”.

I’m beginning to think that to others, being “casual” on these apps means I want casual sex. But that’s not really the case.

Can “casual” mean just casual dating? Going out and seeing if we like being around each other first? Like, is there any romanticizing in casual dating?

I’m not saying that sex is off the table. And I’m not saying I’m looking for a relationship right away either.

I’m saying, how do I know if I want to do that with you from only talking to you online?

I’ve been wondering how I should approach this differently next time when I’m asked what I’m looking for. How can I be more clear? Should I use a different phrase? Is it my word choice?

But also, I have to remember that running into these types of guys who are just looking for sex is unavoidable on dating apps.