So many feelings, I don’t know where to start.
I guess the beginning works.
It all started with a dating app. I met a guy who I was into and excited about. A guy who welcomed deep conversations and knew how to have fun. A guy who I could see myself with.
After about a month, I could sense that something was off between us. I didn’t know what to think about it.
Learning from a previous relationship, I called him out on it. In a pretty decent way, I think. But enough to let him know that I felt like I was putting more effort into this than him now and I needed to know if this is in vain or not.
And, well, things had changed for him. He was honest with me about what was going on and I decided that it would be in my best interest to, “go our separate ways”, as I put it.
Even though I was confident in my choice (me), it was still hard to do.
I wanted to put somewhere in that text that maybe after he figures things out and wants to try again, he should tell me. I wanted to leave some sort of door or window open that says, “I’m still interested” or “Pick me! Pick me!”.
But I can’t wait around for guy to decide if they want to be with me. I never want to feel like I have to force someone to love me.
I admit, I think about him a lot. (It has only been a week, so I think I can get some slack.)
I think about what I would do and say if he reaches out to me.
About what I wanted to say in those last texts.
But I have to trust that if it was meant to be, it will be.
For now, I need to continue on my own path.
I’m sad that it ended so quick. It’s not every day that you meet someone on a dating app who genuinely wants to get to know you.
But I am more grateful for this experience than anything.
Grateful that I met someone like him.
Grateful that I was able to see how much I’ve learned about myself while talking to him.
Grateful that I can stick up for myself.
Grateful that I know what’s worth my energy.
Grateful that I can trust myself.
Grateful that I am learning from previous relationships.
Grateful to know that I am strong and I can pick myself back up again.
Grateful that I am secure enough to always choose me.
For all those who are mending a broken heart right now, I’m here with you. I have all the confidence that we can make ourselves even stronger than we were before. It may be hard, but I encourage you to find that silver lining. Start with gratitude.
P.S.
I heard about this TED talk from the podcast, Guys We F*cked, and it really helped. Check out How to Fix a Broken Heart by Guy Winch. And check out the podcast! It’s one of my favorites to listen to every week.
Digital Dreams 