Giving Myself Away

Sometimes I think about what my wedding day would be like. I have one of those boards on Pinterest filled with flower and place setting ideas, dress and ring inspiration.

But one thing that I’ve thought about is who I would have walk me down the aisle.

Naturally, I used to think, well of course I would have my dad do it. That’s tradition. Maybe I would even have my mom there too, to give me away.

But after reading All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation by Rebecca Traister and going to a wedding recently, it started to not feel right to me.

In the past, marriages have been strategic to join families and assets. Usually, the bride-to-be had no say about whether or not they wanted to get married to that person in the first place.

And the act of “giving the bride away” to the groom, still implies that her parents (or whoever is chosen that usually has a parental/fraternal role) has an ownership over her. She wouldn’t be here, marrying this man, if she didn’t have some form of approval from someone else.

But when I decide to marry someone, I want to show that this is 100% MY decision.

Of course, because I have a strong relationship with my family, I would hope that they and my future fiancé would get along.

But I don’t want someone to be “giving me away” to my future husband. When the officiator asks, “who gives this woman to be married to this man”, I don’t want anyone else to say “I do” but me.

I haven’t told my parents about this, mainly my dad. I wonder if he would be sad that I wouldn’t want him to be by my side and I feel nervous about when the time comes to tell him. But I have faith that he would understand when I explain why.

One spark of hope I had was when I watched the season finale of The Bold Type. Sutton and Richard were going to get married and Sutton decided not to have her mother walk her down the aisle. She wanted to show that she was making this decision on her own. It felt good to see someone make that decision on her own as well.

The best twist was when Richard ended up walking down the aisle to her instead! It honestly made me tear up – and inspired me to write this post.

Do you have any traditions that you would want to keep or get rid of for your wedding day?

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