Part 6

What has been on my mind lately?? Hmm not too sure. Work stuff here and there, remembering things I have to do, what I should do… I joined a dating app again. Already was feeling a little insecure about my profile and a little frustrated with what I was seeing so far. But I had to remind myself that I could always change things up on my profile later. As for the options, well, that’s going to take time. It was weird at first because I felt like the app was showing me guys that were waayyyy too good looking and idk, kind of fake? I’m also wondering, should I pay to be a member? Is it worth it? I guess it is if I’m that serious about finding someone. I kinda am. I want someone to spend time with and do things with. I want them to ask me about my day and I hear about theirs. I like being on my own but I am feeling a little lonely. Lately I’ve been feeling like a third wheel hanging out with my parents. They certainly don’t mind and I like to join them, but at the same time, I wish I was doing it with someone who just wants to talk to me and hold my hand. Also sex. I miss sex. Gotta be real in this brain dump right? Patience is key but also confidence, which is my “word of the year” this year. Trying to put myself out there a little more, with the thought that I am worthy to do it. Being confident that I have something to bring to the table. I’m trying to remind myself that as a way to stay on track to complete my goals.

What do you have going on in your brain? Write it out!

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Part 5

You will make all kinds of mistakes but as long as you are generous and true and also fierce, you cannot hurt the world or even seriously distress her.

Winston Churchill

I first read this quote on the whiteboard in my junior year language arts class in high school. And it struck me so hard, I had to write it down so I could remember it. I still have the quote pinned on my cork board above my desk at home. To this day, it brings me comfort whenever I read it.

Reading that quote at 16 years old gave me such relief. Relief from making the wrong choices, relief from feeling stuck, relief from worrying about what other people might think. At that age, you’re barely figuring out your life and what kind of person you want to be. It feels like there are pressures all around you and you think you have to live up to these expectations.

But this quote taught me that no matter what I did in life, nothing is going to be “the end of the world”. The only thing I had to do was to be myself and make sure that whatever decisions I made were coming from what I thought was best for me. It was important for me to make sure I did things that I felt were true to myself. If a mistake or something wrong happened along the way, it would just be something to learn from before going on to the next thing.

We worry a lot about what others think. I even worry about what others think of my mistakes or what they think are my mistakes. But it doesn’t matter what others think of our actions or how we end up in the situation we’re in. As long as you’re happy, or at least willing to accept your situation so you can move on, then that’s all that matters.

Do you have a favorite quote or saying that you go to to bring a sense of relief to yourself?

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Part 4

I am writing to my 10 year old self because I think that’s the last time I felt truly care-free. I don’t remember too much of what I was doing then but I knew that I was into soccer, reading, writing, girl scouts, swimming, hanging out with my friends and being a big sister to my 2 year old little sister. I also remember that turning 10 was super important to me because I finally turned double digits.

Dear 10 Year Old Monica,

Congrats on turning 10!! What an important milestone! Double digits are super exciting and there’s a lot more to look forward to in future birthdays. Right now I’m 28 and looking right at 30 and it’s kinda weird. We both know it was hard to see ourselves older and an adult. But don’t worry, you’re doing pretty well.

I want you to continue to be passionate about doing things you like. Go all in it. Don’t listen to what others may say about it, if you still enjoy a certain thing or activity, keep doing it! What matters is that it makes you happy.

I want you to remember that you’re capable of more than you know. Don’t shy away from challenges. Assert yourself because your thoughts are important. You will begin to learn how to do things on your own, which is really exciting. It will help you gain confidence to go out and be open to new things. You never know, you might just like it (I know dad gives this advice all the time and it can make you want to roll your eyes but honestly, he’s on to something).

I’m not going to lie, being a girl is kind of hard. You are going to start noticing your body more and look at through a certain lens picked up from magazines and what you see on TV. Sometimes you’ll be pleased with how you look and sometimes you’ll hate it. But always know that no matter what, your body is yours and that’s the beautiful thing about it. You know how and what to do to keep it healthy, because that’s the most important part.

Life has a lot to offer, so don’t be too busy being self conscious to prevent you from taking chances. Hold on to your passions and let them take you places you never dreamed of.

Love Monica

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Part 3

I always thought success was the end game and you have to get to it as soon as possible or at the very least, when everyone else is getting to it. I saw success as having a successful business or being in charge of a department at a company. Also, you ended up working in the field that you majored in in college. And in your personal life you had a significant other and lots of friends. I saw success as an upward line on a graph and that if you really were on the right path, you would only keep going up. And once you got to those things, you reached everyone’s expectation of successful and you don’t have to worry anymore. You don’t have to strive for anything else. You’ve reached End Game.

What I think about success now is that it’s a journey and success will look different for each one of us because we all come from different backgrounds and we all have different dreams. I have a degree in screenwriting, but just because I don’t work in a tv writer’s room, doesn’t mean that I’m not successful. I just got promoted to a new department outside of customer care, but that doesn’t mean that I’m done reaching for other things. I’m currently single, but that doesn’t mean I failed at love. When we’re striving for success, we have to leave room for the failures too, because there will be plenty, big and small. But that doesn’t mean we should give up. Success is about finding what works for you. There is no cookie cutter path.

How can you redefine success?

Happy Martin Luther King Day!

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